I returned to tumblr for personal reasons. I write in my journal daily for about 2 hours, and one day I thought ‘what sense is there in writing if there is no one around to read it”? But I’m conflicted because my I’m trying to develop the skills to be confident in my own writing without needing validation from other people. So why write for others?

I’m beginning to think that for the next little while my posts are going to involve many questions. But that’s okay… right? Right.

The thought of writing this and you reading it has already spiked anxiety in me. I can feel a wave of emotion that makes me want to stop typing altogether. It’s the feeling of being judged, failing, and being vulnerable. Traits that, at a previous time, I would have responded to with aggression.

My pledge to myself (and to all my tumblr buddies) is that I will be completely honest. I will be forgiving and I will be as compassionate as possible. By being honest I may say things that will need to be revised later because my recovery has been an ‘ebb and flow’ process. Some days I am enraged and some days I’m happy. A lot of the time I can’t predict how each day will go. 

I think I am done for now, I never know how to end these posts…

Bye!