My name is Charlene. I'm 23 and coping with/recovering from codependency and severe depression. I'm here to voice my happiness, pain, and angst. I like to think I'm honest, but really I'm not sure. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure that if I try I’ll be just fine.
I write mostly for me, but for you as well. I want people to know that recovery is hard and you're not alone.
You'll notice throughout that I somehow have terrible grammar. Trust that I’m working on it.
- High Knees
- Mountain Climbers
- Squat Jump Turns
- Skipping
- Bicycle Crunches
- Alternating leg-and-arm extensions
- Plank Row (part of one)
- Squat & Press
- Alternating Jumping Lunges
active rest day? i think i’ll just cruise through this workout, fuck yes.
(Source: healthy-bee, via becauseihavepassion)
FUCK YA. she’s my queen.
(via pearlsandcharms)
You need love to exist, to survive. In the Wise Woman Tradition, love is a crucial aspect of optimum nutrition. Forgive yourself, better yet, enjoy yourself for your attempts to get love. Understand that your fights, with your beloveds feel like life-and-death struggles because they are for certain parts of yourself.
Our attempts to give love unconditional are usually stratagems for extracting love from the universe or another person.
The inner well of need for love and nurturance seems like a bottomless pit when we first gaze down it alone, with no one else to blame for our echoing hollowness. With each act of lovingkindness for ourselves, it fills. Slowly the pit becomes at least visible. Others don’t seem to be the sources of our pain so often.
As we love ourselves, and nourish all aspects of ourselves, a rare compassion is nourished, a tender compassion for everyone and everything. We are filled with compassion. We forgive ourselves deeply. And we realize that everyone who ever wronged us was a healer, a teacher, a lover of ours. The heart bursts with compassion. The floodgates of love spill over.
Once we have filled ourselves with unconditional love, once we agree to love and nurture all aspects of ourselves, we emit the energy of unconditional love. We don’t do anything particular, yet the beings around us feel this love. Just by being, we resonate love and health/wholeness/holiness.
"
I want a healthy relationship… coming soon ;)
(Source: staypozitive)
I began Melody Beattie’s Codepedent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself and already on page 13 I had a small revelation:
My entire life I’ve criticized the use of medicinal drugs. I’ve been skeptical of the unnatural use of medications even for simple stomach aches. The only times I remember taking medications (even in the simplest form) was when I experienced crippling menstrual cramps and even then I would first force a jog/walk to try and ease the pain with physical activity. All my life I believed that because of an all-natural cultural upbringing I commit to herbal remedies, proper diet, and exercise in place of medication. For 23 years I lied. I lied to myself, why? I don’t really know (I haven’t gotten THAT far in my self-discovery).
My codependent has a crippling dependency on medications. They are everywhere: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, pantry; in wide varieties: anti-depressants, anti-inflammatories, joint soothers, muscle relaxants, anything and everything! I’ve had unlimited access to these medications since I can remember.
During my childhood my codependent did not drink, did not take illicit drugs, instead my codependent numbed them-self through medications. What I saw were side-effects of guzzling pills, powders, and liquids; the uncontrollable mood swings were the most difficult to bare. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells: one moment I would hear screeching and screaming, the next I was held in an uncomfortable embrace of love. Love, that for some reason made me feel better, love that I wanted.
I’m beginning to understand that I’m the type of codependent that Beattie describes as one that suffers in the backdrop of their codependent. My codependent got to numb them-self from the pain of their loss and anxiety while I received the blow back of their emotional destruction completely sober.
I feel angry and guilty. Angry at my codependent and guilty because I cannot blame them. Their circumstances were difficult: widowed, left with 3 small children and a struggling business, relatively new country. I wish I’d have known better a lot sooner… but this was my life. I thought that all parents screamed and shouted and got mad sometimes, which is true! Though, I see now that not all parents took such little responsibility for their own lives and placed blame on those around them.
This is no longer a pity party - this is my chance to recognize my strengths by veering away from personal destruction and finding a kind and gentle path that soothes me. One that strengthens me.
Now, back to the book…
Tone it up, girls! :)
This would be a great exercise for my active rest days!
(Source: barbiemarsxo, via becauseihavepassion)
thank you to all my bros who are more than just yes-men.
(Source: brotips)
reading this over is quite settling. it’s a nice reminder that there’s no sense in starting over when i can just keep going.
(Source: toohelpsavealife)
I feel like I reblogged this already. Maybe only in my heart.
The truest statement I’ve heard in a long time.
